5 Questions you DON’T need to ask your divorce solicitor

When women decide to leave, there’s a lot to deal with. Contemplating life after divorce: what they want it to look like, where they want to live, how they want to live. What’s actually possible. Navigating the actual divorce process.

For many women, once they’ve got serious, it feels like the first logical step is to contact a solicitor. Because solicitors are the experts in divorce, they’ve seen it all before, they can help you navigate the tricky paths ahead.

Well, yes.

And no.

Solicitors are experts in the legal process of divorce. But that does not mean they are the right people to answer every single question you have about leaving your spouse. They are not the right person to help you decide if you should leave your husband

Your solicitor is there to give you legal advice at the right time

That means your solicitor is there to explain the situation in law, explain what it means for you, and provide legal recommendations, according to the information you have provided. See a solicitor before you’re really ready and you get confused and overwhelmed.

Your solicitor is also there to complete the legal paperwork and move the process along, in line with your instructions. They are NOT there to support you as you navigate this major shift in your life.

Divorce is a big decision, with ripple effects throughout your life. It’s absolutely right that you have questions, and seek expert guidance. But that doesn’t mean you need to turn to a solicitor straightaway – however good your solicitor, it can be an expensive and frustrating way of navigating divorce.

Here are some of the questions women come to me with – questions that don’t need a solicitor to answer them:

• I want to divorce but my husband doesn’t. What can I do?
• Do I have to do family mediation?
• I want to divorce: what do I do first?
• Am I right in thinking I can’t file for divorce on the grounds of adultery if the adultery is not within 6 months?
• Can I get financial help with my divorce?

To be clear, it’s not that your solicitor couldn’t help you with these questions. It’s that you don’t need a solicitor to answer them for you. In some cases, you may not need a solicitor at all.

I advise knowing what you want from divorce before instructing a solicitor – that way you can work with your solicitor in the most efficient, low-cost way. And they benefit from your clear instructions too.

So where can you get answers when planning your divorce?

When planning to leave, women tend to need support in two areas: understanding their position in law, and making those very personal decisions about what is right for them and their family.

And supporting women with these two areas is exactly why I set up Club D36: a community for women serious about leaving on their terms.

It is possible to trawl websites, find the information and make decisions on your own. It’s possible to turn to friends who’ve been through the divorce process to seek their advice. The trouble with those two options is you can’t be sure you’ve interpreted the law correctly. And what was right for your friend isn’t necessarily right for you.

The answers and support you need, all the way through your divorce

What you get when you join Club D36 is daily support from me, focussed on the questions you have right now.

With my background as a lawyer and family mediator, I’m well-versed in the legal process, and ensure my information is up to date. I can shortcut straight through to the issues that affect you, and help you make the decisions you need to plan for the divorce, and post-divorce life, you want.

Club D36 is for women like you, who are ready to leave and want to go about it in the right way: a way that minimises financial strain, tackles questions in the right order and takes into account the emotional upheaval of divorce as well as the necessary legal processes.

I don’t ever promise quick and easy divorces. But what Club D36 can help you with is navigating divorce on your terms. Answering your questions so you can make decisions with confidence. And supporting you every step of the way.

If you’re ready for weekly support as you work through your divorce your way, come and join us.

p.s. If you’re wondering why it’s called Club D36, read all about it (as well as the single top sign you’re divorce-ready) here!

Emma Heptonstall The Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programme to help you get control of your divorce before it gets control of you. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com