If you’re stuck in your divorce, maybe through decision paralysis, or just fatigue as you juggle all the things, now is a perfect time for a reset.
Just like your home, your divorce can be spruced up. And it’ll leave you feeling more energised, more in control, and more excited about the future. In this blog I share five quick ways to spring clean your divorce. Do these things and you’ll not only feel better, you’ll have a better divorce experience too.
1. Get them out of your hair
The very first thing you need to sweep away is your soon-to-be-ex’s debris! Deal with the physical first: belongings still lying around that are theirs, not yours. Or photos of the two of you together. Get a box. And go round every room of your home, removing the items that have strong associations with them. And get it out of sight.
Next, think about digital. Shared files. Screensavers. How they’re saved on your phone. Reset all of it on your terms.
Finally, consider how much of your headspace they’re taking up. This is a harder one to deal with, I know. But, if you find yourself dwelling on them, in sadness or anger, for lots of the time, it’s time to squeeze them out with other things. Enlist distractions. Family and friends. Your life is much, much bigger than your marriage and divorce.
2. Get your things in one place
Once you’ve cleared them out of your physical and mental space, it’s time to make physical space for your divorce. Picture this scenario. You want to send your Aunty Diane a birthday card. But, you don’t have any cards. Or stamps. You don’t have her address saved on your phone, and you don’t know where your address book is, because you barely use it anymore. What could have been a 5 minute job turns into a multi-step project because you don’t have everything in one place.
Now, imagine instead of Aunty Diane, it’s your solicitor that you need to send something to. It’s only an email that needs a quick response. But, because your information is scattered all over the place, you keep putting it off, and that quick email ends up being a thundering headache.
Give yourself the gift of filing! If you’re a naturally disorganised person, and the thought fills you with horror, just get everything in one box. That will help. It will make it much less daunting next time you have some divorce admin to do. And, if you’re the sort of person who loves an excuse to get more stationery – consider this your permission slip to get colourful and co-ordinated!
3. Re-centre yourself
The first two points were about clearing the way. This one is about making sure you’re taking the right action for you. I often say divorce is a marathon, not a sprint, because it’s true. But it’s a marathon without sign posts, where you’re running in cross winds. It’s easy to drift off course. Or to get so busy dealing with emotional drama that you’re running around in circles without moving anything forward.
So this is your invitation to pause. Take a deep breath and check in with where you’re at with your divorce now. Have you gone into battle-mode – getting aggravated by your soon-to-be-ex and wanting to not let them ‘win’? If so, I don’t blame you – it’s easy to do, and most of my clients have infuriating exes! But don’t let them claim your time and energy. It’s your future that matters. Your values. Staying true to what’s important to you.
Get out of react mode and look for the bigger picture.
4. Clean up your diary
Where your attention goes, progress flows. And you can’t give your divorce the time, energy and attention it needs without making space for it.
So it’s time to spring clean your diary. It doesn’t have to be forever. But what can you pause, or dial down for the next few weeks and months to give yourself the time and space to get your divorce moving?
5. Call in the cavalry
No-one can do everything alone. Especially when it comes to divorce. The specific support that’s best for you depends on your circumstances.
If you have no dependents, shared business interests or assets, and both parties are amicable, you may not need professional input. You’ll still likely benefit from emotional support, a place to process your feelings and friends to lean on. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. My Ask The Alchemist service might be just the thing if you have niggling questions you want resolving quickly.
At the other end of the spectrum, if you have a high conflict and/or high net worth marriage, it’s wise to get specialised legal, emotional and financial advice. Build the team you need and have faith in. Make sure that you have a rapport with them, as well as trusting their expertise and credibility.
Want to harness that spring positivity and really get your divorce motoring, so you can enjoy Christmas with all this behind you? Book in a free 30 minute consultation today.
About Emma
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released ‘Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?’. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves? click here.
Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of The Six Minute Divorce Podcast. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com
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