Is Divorce Monday really a thing?

Is Divorce Monday really a thing? A real phenomenon or a media invention? As with most things, the truth is a bit of both.

#DivorceMonday is traditionally the first working Monday of the year, as unhappy couples return from the holidays determined to separate. Well, at least the media will have you believe!  And divorce law firms do indeed have a busy time of it in January. But let’s remember that the decision to divorce doesn’t just happen after a bad Christmas – it’s far more complex than that.  As we all look ahead to the next twelve months, the new year is a perfect prompt to take action. Action to save your marriage, or divorce. Google searches related to divorce tend to be up 25% across January, compared with the rest of the year.

But forget the media hype. You decide for yourself whether this is Day One or One Day for your divorce. If you’re not sure, try these questions to help you get more clarity:

Did you grin and bear it over Christmas?

Christmas can be fraught, with pressure to create perfect Insta-ready moments, have fun parties with friends and snuggles by the fire watching festive TV. For some people that’s just not the reality. Instead, tempers are raised, all that time together makes for arguments rather than magic moments. If your Christmas was more sniping that smooching, that could be a sign your marriage is no longer a happy one.

Has your marriage been under strain for a while?

But let’s not forget that Christmas can be stressful for everyone. A week of arguments at one of the most pressurised times of the year isn’t enough to write off your marriage for good. Think about how you’ve been feeling over the past few months, before the Christmas mayhem. If you’ve been dreaming about divorce during less stressful times, it’s time to take your thoughts seriously.

Do you want your future to be different?

New Year is a great opportunity to take stock. If you know you want your life to be different in 2019, think about what that really means. Different doesn’t have to mean divorce, it can mean you:

• Prioritise self-care – if you’ve neglected your own needs it’s hard to make decisions about the future. You’ll be drained, emotionally and physically. Invest in yourself, spend some time working out what you want and need. Bring something that makes you feel good into your week.
• Focus on communication – unless there are abusive dynamics at play, deciding on divorce from a place of anger and blame sets you up for a tough ride ahead. Talking things through with your spouse, perhaps with the help of a mediator, can help you reach a calm decision about whether divorce is the right way to go.
• Accept responsibility for yourself – we can’t control what other people do, but we are responsible for our own thoughts and actions. Have you got into a pattern with your spouse that sets you up for tension and conflict? Are there behaviours you can change in yourself?

As an experienced coach I can help you work through your emotions as you decide your next steps. Message me for support.

Are you ready to take action?

The big sign #DivorceMonday is your time is that you’re ready to take action. You’ve thought about it, you know what you want from your life, you have accepted that a future with your spouse is not going to be happy. You know you’ll go through some difficult times to get there, but you want life to be different and you’re ready to put the work in.

But now what?

Navigating divorce can be a minefield. Most women pick up the phone and call a divorce lawyer to get answers. As I have said many, many, times (see this post for more details), this is the WRONG place to start – certainly if you want a divorce that’s as low-conflict and low-cost as possible.

I created to help you create your own divorce plan, tailored to your needs. To know what you want and need so you can instruct a solicitor in full confidence.

What is Get Divorce Ready?

It’s a full eight-week group programme for women who are serious about change. Women who want to change their life, and take control of their divorce before it takes control of them.

By taking the programme you will:

• Get clarity around what you want from your divorce in the long-term
• Understand how the divorce and financial remedy processes work
• Create a tailor-made plan for your own divorce
• Learn how to complete the divorce paper work yourself
• Understand when to instruct a solicitor and how to find one that suits you and your needs
• Learn how to communicate with your lawyer and soon-to-be-ex-husband even when it’s challenging
• Begin to focus on life beyond your divorce
• Understand high conflict situations and how to manage them

Inside the programme you get:

• Workbooks and checklists so you can navigate the essentials of divorce without overwhelm – no more trawling the internet and figuring it out alone
• Weekly group coaching to help you understand what your divorce means to you and make the decisions that are right for you and your family
• Access to a secret Facebook group, with Emma on hand to answer any questions
• Membership to the coaching group, along with other women who are divorce-ready, who will get you and cheer you on
• A complementary copy of my bestselling book, ‘How To Be A Lady Who Leaves’
• The option to upgrade to Voxer messaging to give you 1:1 support throughout the 8 week programme
• Access to Get Divorce Ready The Self-Study portal which includes video and audio content
• A set of Understanding Divorce 30 Days to Learn flash Cards

It’s a complete guide to getting divorce done on your terms. Numbers are limited to ten to ensure you feel completely safe and get the personalised support you need.

It starts on 30 January 2019.

The Divorce Alchemist

Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programmes. Emma is featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com