Take it from me, as one of the most established divorce coaches in the UK, and the UK’s only High Conflict Diversion Specialist, there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about divorce. Here are the five things you need to know about your divorce in 2025.
1. The only permission you need is from yourself
I see so many women doing mental gymnastics over this. Finding reasons to stay because they feel as though they should. You are important. You deserve to live for you: not just for your children, and certainly not for your marriage.
Speak your truth – to yourself first. If your marriage isn’t up to scratch, you are worth more than that. Does that mean divorce? Not always. But it does mean looking reality in the eye, being honest with yourself and your spouse.
One of my clients, Brenda, booked a session with me last year to work through all her thoughts and feelings. She left the call much clearer about what she wanted from her life and marriage. It turned out that her husband didn’t want the same things, and so, for them, divorce was the healthiest option. Another client, Liz, had a similar conversation with me later that year. She really clarified what was missing from her marriage, and found the confidence to address it with her husband. And, for them, it turned things around, and their marriage is back on track.
2. You can do it
You are competent enough just as you are. You have what it takes to navigate divorce and come out the other side even stronger. Even if you don’t feel like it right now.
If you are chaotic and disorganised just be compassionately honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses. You’ll need some support but you are a grown up and you can do this! Need help creating a plan? I can help! ADHD? I can definitely help with that. Want to get smart with finances? We can do it together.
It all starts with putting yourself in the driving seat, and getting real about what you need.
3. You won’t regret it
Grief and sadness that you didn’t get the marriage you hoped for is one thing. It’s not the same thing as regretting leaving. If you’ve thought about what you want and need from your marriage and your life, and you’re not getting it, there’s nothing to regret.
If you’ve not done that work, you need to get your hands on Should I Be A Lady Who Leaves?, the online course that takes you through everything you need to consider to make this important decision.
Is divorce easy? No. But even if conflict is high and your ex makes it utterly miserable you still won’t regret putting your needs first. In fact it will give you more evidence that you’re doing the right thing!
There will never be a ‘right’ time with enough money or time or space. It won’t get easier, it will just get later, so why not now? And if there is a specific family reason to delay for a few months, such as your children about to sit their GCSES, there’s lots you can do quietly to prepare, and I’m happy to guide you. But don’t let the stories you tell yourself keep you stuck. You don’t want to be reading this next year and nothing’s changed!
4. Ask for help
Yes, you can do it (see point 2!). But it’s easier with help, and depending on your circumstances, the right professional help might be essential. If you’re right at the start of your divorce, do this quick self-audit now:
- What am I good at that will help me with divorce? What am I confident about?
- What are my weaknesses or blindspots? What scares me? What am I avoiding?
- Who do I trust in my personal network to support me?
- What potential gaps or unknowns are there in my support network?
- What professional support will I need?
Even if you’re in the middle of divorce, going through that list will help you reset and understand where you should focus your attention, and where you need help. Help can come in all sorts of forms, and I highly recommend pulling together your personalised divorce team. You can read more about that here.
5. Effective communication changes everything
A core belief I have at the heart of all my work with clients is that communication is a gamechanger. Effective communication can:
- Save you thousands in legal battles
- Head off power games
- De-escalate high conflict situations
- Reduce harm to your children
- Get you the settlement you want and need
Of course, you can never control what anyone else does. Playing nice doesn’t mean they will play nice back. But effective communication isn’t just about keeping things calm and polite. It’s about sidestepping the emotional pitfalls that can come when we respond from a place of hurt. It’s about protecting your own sense of self. And it’s about taking control of how you show up in the world – which is everything.
So if you’re starting 2025 with divorce on your to-do list, what are you waiting for? Book in your free 15 minute consultation this week, and let’s get started!
About Emma
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released ‘Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?’. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves? click here.
Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of The Six Minute Divorce Podcast. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com
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