What does a divorce coach do anyway? In a nutshell, I’ll save you time, money and emotional energy. But how? Read on to find out five game-changing ways a divorce coach can help you in your divorce.
1. Figure out what’s important (in divorce and life)
All of the coaching I do, whether it’s 1-1, in the Get Divorce Ready programme or Should I Be A Lady Who Leaves, starts with the question of what’s important to you first. Because that sets your course. Your values are guiding lights to help you decide your next steps. Without those, you’re working blind.
Of course, values work is something you can explore without a coach. But it’s so much more powerful with someone asking the right questions, lovingly calling you out, validating you and holding you accountable.
It’s at the foundation of everything.
2. Save money in your divorce
There are two ways a divorce coach can save you money in your divorce. One: by reducing the amount you spend on solicitor’s fees. Remember, solicitors bill in six minute increments, and they bill for absolutely everything – including reading the emails you send. So if you have your vision and your plan sorted first, you’re not paying for as many of those six minutes!
Secondly, a divorce coach can help you assess your financial big picture so you don’t miss out on longer term financial security. So many women have a ‘that will do, I just want it over now’ approach to settlement. Which is understandable. But if you’re not fully informed, you could be setting yourself up for a future that’s harder than it needs to be.
3. Save time
It is possible to divorce without any professional help whatsoever – from me, from a legal team, from a financial adviser. But you’ll be second guessing yourself. You won’t know whether the choice you’re making is right for you.
A divorce coach won’t tell you what decision to make, but I will share knowledge and context about the legal situation, grounded in my expertise both within the legal profession and coaching. I’ll also help you clarify your own thinking so you make smart choices that protect your future. And you’ll get there a whole lot quicker and with more confidence than going it alone.
4. Build your divorce team
Anyone who’s getting divorced needs a team around them, and they will get one, whether consciously or not. If nothing else, friends and family will support you – sometimes in ways you don’t want or ask for!
A divorce coach helps you map out exactly where you are, mentally, emotionally and practically, with your divorce.
All that overwhelm you’re feeling settles as you start to realise where it comes from. And then you can pinpoint the support you need. For some women, emotional support has to come first. For others, having a friend step in to help with the school run once or twice a week can be all it takes to free up a little headspace and time to get things moving. For others, a financial adviser is the first place to start, as the marital assets are complicated.
It’s not just the roles people play that are important. It’s the personalities too. Rapport with your team is vital. After decades of supporting women through divorce I know plenty of experts who can help. Whether it’s finding the right match in terms of the ethos of your legal support, or the particular financial specialism you need, I have the names and the networks to help.
5. Trust yourself
This sounds fluffy but it’s not. Trust in yourself might be the greatest price you paid for your marriage. And it’s the greatest gift divorce has to offer you. Most women who have decided to leave, or who have been left, are stuck with that ‘How did I get here?’ question. They question their judgement on getting married in the first place. They question whether they should have left years ago. They question their reality – ‘was it really that bad?’, ‘Do I really need to fight for the pension?’
A divorce coach will give you a safe place to stand. I’ll help you ground yourself in what matters (see back to point one) and build a path from there. I won’t let you give up on yourself. You’ll prove to yourself just how confident, capable and smart you really are. Before thinking about your relationship with anyone else, we’ll make sure your relationship with yourself is rock solid.
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve worked with a coach before. It doesn’t matter whether your divorce is complex, high wealth, high conflict, or not. If you want to save time, money and emotional energy in your divorce, and you’re willing to bring yourself to the party, I’d love to work with you. Just book in a free 15 minute consultation to see how I can help you shape your future.
About Emma
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released ‘Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?’. For More Information on Should I be a Lady Who Leaves? click here.
Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of The Six Minute Divorce Podcast. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com
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