Why do I need a divorce coach?

In my last blog, we looked at what a Divorce Coach is and what they do. You still might be asking yourself  ‘Why do I  need a Divorce Coach?’, particularly if you’re not actually in the divorce process yet. You’re a strong, confident independent woman right? You know what you want and how to get it right?

Here’s the thing. You also recognise you’re hurting a little right now.. ok, you’re hurting  a lot. And, you’re a little mad. Ok so you’re actually livid and sad. You’re very sad. But you don’t need a coach right?

You need a coach for tennis, or to drag you for your 6:30 am Boot Camp that sounded like a great idea with your girlfriends when you were eating cake and drinking latte’s . You’re thinking that you don’t need a coach because you’re getting divorced.

In this article are share with you the 7 reasons why,  if  you’re a smart woman  getting divorced you need a divorce coach.

1. Getting divorced takes is toll, often unconsciously.

After bereavement,  divorce is the biggest cause of stress and breakdown. This is so even if the divorce was your idea. Emotionally, the impact is huge at an unconscious level. That point when you stop the outward crying and signs of distress and your friends would say that you’ve pulled yourself together, you need a divorce coach because underneath, that internal voice of yours will be telling you just what a hopeless unlovable loser you are. Sound familiar? Your Divorce Coach is there to call you on that voice and remind you as often as it takes, how great you really are.

2. Anger causes us to lose perspective.

At some point in your divorce you are going to move from feeling upset and hurt to absolute rage and anger. This can be a very healthy time when you claim back you self-esteem and self-worth. It’s also a time when you can make rash, ill-thought-out decisions. Your Divorce Coach will help keep you grounded and ensure you work through your feelings before you make decisions.

3. Overwhelm will blind side you.

It doesn’t matter how organised you are, whether your music is alphabetised on your shelf, whether all your tins of beans are lined up neatly in your cupboards, and whether you know to the penny the state of your Current Account, you will feel overwhelmed several times during your divorce and here’s why. You and your former partner will likely differ on what’s important and the order in which things need to be dealt with. For you, discussions about the children, contact arrangement and maintenance maybe your priority. For your former partner, it might be the separation of financial assets. You can’t understand why he thinks this is more important than your children, as you are constantly pressed to make decisions, that frankly you don’t fully understand and you’re not ready to make. Your Divorce Coach will help you  deal with the pressure that comes with divorce, and help you to manage it at a pace that’s right for you.

4. Sometimes you just need someone by your side.

Getting divorced is harder than you think.

Have your friends and family put their two-penneth in yet? They will. Because they care. The thing is, it usually doesn’t help you. You are still conflicted emotionally over your feelings or whether you are doing “the right thing” and “what about the children”. Can you relate? Your Divorce Coach doesn’t get into that space. When I work with clients, I respect where you are at. I don’t know your former partner and I’m not your best friend. I have no judgement and no point of view. I’m here to help you get clarity on what’s right for you. Only you can decide that!

5. In times of chaos, structure is a life saver.

As a Divorce Coach, I  work by taking you by the hand and guiding you through the divorce process.  In my Seven Step Divorce System I help you get clear about the decisions that you need to make in your divorce. Perhaps you need collaborative law. Perhaps the traditional court process is more appropriate for you, or perhaps you would benefit from family mediation.  I also take time to ensure that you are investing in you and what’s important to you right now. It might be that your values have changed since you first got married and that might become a contributory factor in the breakdown of your relationship. That’s okay, it’s normal. As we grow older many of us change our values, what’s important to us  changes and our outlook and our belief systems can change. Sometimes, sadly, these do not change at the same rate as our partner and divorce is the only option.  It might be, that during the course of your marriage you shut down your values and pretended that were not important.  Divorce Coaching helps you get back in touch with the things that matter to you. It’s only by living your truth can you truly be happy.

Getting organised in your divorce is absolutely critical. Being organised helps to make sure that you make the right decisions, that you don’t get persuaded to make decisions that are not right for you and that you keep your eye on the bigger picture as well as focusing on what you need right now. I’m the Divorce Alchemist a Divorce Coach for smart women like you. Divorce Coaches like me help you to stay out of your head to move forward with confidence. Yes you have your girlfriends. Yes you’ve got your family. But here’s the thing, your family and friends are emotionally involved in your divorce and it’s very easy for you to sit and listen to their advice; well-meaning though it may be, it maybe not the best advice to you right now. Having that independent support to give you a  levelheaded view of where you are and what’s possible for you is invaluable at this stressful time.

6. Communication is challenging when your getting divorced.

Communication is probably one of the most important things that you need to work on during your divorce. It might be that the lack of communication has caused the breakdown of your relationship. It may be too late to do something about that now, and it may not be. I have worked with couples who through working through their communication issues, have been able to give their relationship another chance. Your Divorce Coach will help you look at this and see if it’s possible for you. If it isn’t, a Divorce Coach will help you in your communication style so you can recognise your own communication style and that of your former partner. A Divorce Coach can also help you with your communication with your lawyer, ensuring that your lawyer is clear about your instructions and that you are clear about the instructions you wish to give them.

7. You need an Exit Strategy.

One of the things that I do as a  Divorce Coach is help you with your exit strategy. The thing is, a divorce does not last forever although it may feel like it does!  In my experience many people feel that the end of their divorce will feel  like it’s going to be a big deal. However for many, in truth, the end of your divorce is actually  an anticlimax and it’s important that you have strategies in place to deal with this. If you and your former partner have been able to negotiate a settlement that is agreeable to you  both, the chances that  you will ever attend court are very slim. Your lawyer will draft the Consent Order and put it before the judge for their signature. That’s it. You’re divorced. At best, you get a piece of paper through the door telling you that you are now a divorcee woo congratulations!  A Divorce Coach can help you decide where you want to go from here, and will help you to decide whether you need to do some more work on your emotional well-being, whether a relationship coach is something that will benefit from in the future and to help you debrief and take stock of your divorce.

So there you have it, you might be a smart sassy confident woman. You may have been curious as to why if you’re getting divorced you would need a Divorce Coach. But now you can see, a Divorce Coach is a necessity, not a luxury.

You can book a free 30 minute call with me so together, we can work out a strategy for handling your divorce. Not handling your divorce properly will mean it will drag on. It’ll cost you thousands in fees and take its toll emotionally. It doesn’t have to be that way. It can be managed easily. You can be clear with yourself, your lawyer and your former husband. You can keep communication open and you can save money.

I’m Emma and I help smart women like you move through their divorce with ease. Visit www.emmaheptonstall.com to book an appointment or download your free ebook The Smart woman’s Guide to Divorce today.